But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Posted on May 29, 2019
Bus, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Couples, Crimes, Euphemisms, Fat people, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hoochies, Iowa, Leisure, Relationships

Why Alcohol Exists.

Barman to another: I was looking forward to being miserable this weekend, but it seems to have turned out quite nicely.

http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2011/06/quotebook-january-may-2011/

Overheard by: Raptor

Posted on February 23, 2019
Bartenders, Leisure, Other sites, Philosophy, Wishes

What?

Father to son, on golf course: Yeah, while you were away I though about hiring someone to rape me.
Son: What?
Father: It's supposed to really improve your golf swing!

Eagle, Colorado

Posted on December 28, 2018
Colorado, Dads, Kids, Leisure, Sexuality, Weirdness

I Need My Face for Other Things

Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago… and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!

Oxford
England

Posted on October 12, 2018
Body parts, Bragging, Compare and contrast, England, Leisure, Pride, Students

Scissors, Ipods, Horses, Pauses…

Dude #1: Hey man, wanna go get some things pregnant?
Dude #2: Um. What? What kind of things?
Dude #1: Just stuff. Whatever we find.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Posted on January 17, 2018
Guys, Jerks, Leisure, Offers and requests, Overheard at UMBC, Pregnancy, Questions, Sex, Wishes

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Tree

Woman at Origins of the universe sequence at screening of The Tree of Life: We should have seen Bridesmaids.
Companion: Shut up!

Brisbane
Australia

Posted on June 4, 2017
Australia, Feelings, Leisure, Movies, Women

If Platitudes Won’t Sway Me, Nothing Will

Guy #1: Well, they do say life’s short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?

Sydney
Australia