Guess Which One’s the Good Cop?

Six-year-old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six-year-old girl’s twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn’t snow down here – you have to go up north for that.
Six-year-old girl: Then let’s go up north!
Six-year-old girl’s twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won’t let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night

Middle-aged woman to another: I said, “Let’s go to church,” and she said, “No, I’m going to stay in bed with Jesus today.”

Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck

I May Have Fugeed Myself

Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!

Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Eliza

Everyone Knows after the First Trimester, You Move on to Goat Enzymes

Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that’s what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn’t be messing around with pig’s blood still.

Target
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed

And I Still Haven’t Called Myself

Girl #1: Does transvestism work both ways?
Girl #2: It should. I’ve dressed up as a man before and I looked damn hot. My tits are small enough you can’t even tell!

University of New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Nac

… Or Saw Me?

College girl to her family: … And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]College girl: You think he heard me?

French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Security Guard

So There Goes That Idea for Our Diorama

Dude: There’s no way my mom’s vagina could be the Suez Canal.

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: JP

And Then I’ll Have My Master’s in Evacuation.

Guy on cell, after an exam: It was like the big turd finally dropped, now all I have to worry about are little turds.

Louisiana State University

Overheard by: glad she went to class

And My Glitter Is Edible

Slutty chick to guy next to her: I’m not clever, but I’m sparkly!

New Orleans, Louisiana

…So Now Joe and I Are Dating.

Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, “I want a girlfriend,” and I was like, “yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too.”

Swimming Pool
Louisiana