Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid's face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can't lay down on the floor.
Portland, Maine
Effeminate tourist guy on cell: So yeah, it was rigidly pressed in the watershed…
Cottage Street
Bar Harbor, Maine
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
Suit: I can’t masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn’t it be great if you were fucking someone’s ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?
Biddeford, Maine
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Elderly gentleman playing chess: You know, in college, when all of my friends were chasing girls, I was on the chess team…chasing wood.
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Fia
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
