Marine: Don’t waste good Fun Dip! That’s like slapping Jesus in the face!
Camp Leatherneck
Afghanistan
Overheard by: Justus
Archive for the ‘Military’ Category
You Mean, Like, Jersey Shore?
Marine with no game to clearly uninterested sales clerk: And we marines say “semper fi” to each other, do you know what that means?
Sales girl: Yeah, it…
Marine, interrupting: It means “always faithful.” It’s like Russian or some shit… No. Maybe Italian… Yeah, it’s Italian.
Mall
Birmingham, Alabama
“You’re the Worst Math Tutor Ever,” I Said.
Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That’s fucking weird, man.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Soundbite Lover
We Salute the Men and Women Who Fight for the Freedom to Be Ignorant
Soldier: So I guess I’m leaving around April-ish.
Girl: Why can’t they send you to Paris? Or Greece?
Soldier: Um… Cause we aren’t at war there?
Girl: Well, we should be!
Ft. Campbell, Kentucky
In My Defense, I Only Cheated on Her with Non-Humans.
Private: I’ve been married to her for four years and only cheated on her for two. I don’t see why she would wanna split.
Ft. Gordon, Georgia
Um, Those Are Meat Loaf.
Chubby guy, pointing to cookies: Can I have one from this side where they’re, like, actually cooked?
Chow Line
USS Nimitz Carrier
Overheard by: LikesThemBurnt
And Then I’ll Have to French-Kiss You, in a “Thank-You-for-Smacking-Me” Kind Of Way
Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I’m-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I‑hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.
Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia
You’re Just in Time to See the Internet Made Illegible
Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.
Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh
He Works in a 7‑Eleven, So He’s Used to It
Marine to friend: So, it’s like a long story. But basically my mom shot my boyfriend.
CostCo
VictorVille, California
Why Rumsfeld Really Left Office
Marine: So, things were going really well until he blew the tranny.
Twentynine Palms, California
