Woman to coworker: You’d think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn’t hide the evidence in their rear window.
West Lebanon, New Hampshire
Woman to coworker: You’d think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn’t hide the evidence in their rear window.
West Lebanon, New Hampshire
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you’re in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don’t kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: corey
Chick #1: I hope you never snap and become a serial killer.
Chick #2 (lovingly): Because I’d kill you first!
Chick #1: I know.
Chick #2: And then I’d stuff you… I would stuff you with your clothes so you smell like yourself.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Good Advice!
Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: I know his pain
Older man to friend: I don’t like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don’t want to know. I’m always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails… (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Student
Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That’s Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn’t he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It’s a complicated story and we’ll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.
Mission Santa Barbara, California
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, “hey, you have to do this or I’m going to shoot you.” (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you’re polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]Older sister: You didn’t kill her, did you?!
Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No, I Did
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist