20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!
Omaha, Nebraska
Archive for the ‘Nebraska’ Category
Everything I Chose to Do to You Is Your Fault
Wife: This is the last chance. I’m really going to file for divorce unless you’re willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won’t cheat on.
Omaha, Nebraska
And I Wouldn’t Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.
Old woman: It’s like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don’t go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!
Small Town
Nebraska
Back Up– There Are Jews in Nebraska?
Hip daughter: Mom, is that the same guy?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter: Then why do they sound the exact same?
Hip mom: Because they’re Jewish.
Hip daughter: Really?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter (laughing): Oh my god! Mom! That’s…
Hip mom: Don’t quote me on Facebook.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: robert taylor
So It’s Not a Chain,Then?
Student #1: … And this concludes my presentation on Sudan. Are there any questions?
Student #2: Sudan… Is that where that Hotel Rwanda thing happened?
Professor: No, that would be Rwanda.
International Marketing class, University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Meagan
…Which I Use for My Other Job
(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids… that’s where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I’ve got good mirrors. I’ve got mirrors on the ceiling, too.
Bus
Omaha, Nebraska
He’s a Savory Savior
Guy to girl in bar: What did you have, some of that Blood of Christ?
Girl: Yeah!
Guy: Yeah?!
Girl: Yeah! It’s yummy!
Bar
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Jill
Mom Harvests My Pockets When She Does My Laundry
Guy: Do you have any money left?
Chunky 40-something man: 60 bucks, that should be enough to get me by until my mother gives me more.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Kristin
Fine– Just Don’t Wake Me
Guy to drunk girl at a party, whispering loudly: Will you have sex with me?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Please?
Drunk girl: No.
Guy: Aww…come on!
Omaha, Nebraska
And Over Easy
Guy #1, about super tan waitress: Wow, she’s well done. I prefer medium-well.
Guy #2: Yeah, me, too. I like a little pink.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: evh
