All You Need Is a Duffel Bag

Woman to coworker: You’d think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn’t hide the evidence in their rear window.

West Lebanon, New Hampshire

…If You Know What I Mean…

Student to friend: When she painted the banana, or vice-versa.

Colby-Sawyer College
New Hampshire

Overheard by: J.McC

New Teen Slang for “It’s Radical!”

Student #1, viewing political cartoons of Egypt: There’s a face on that rock!
Student #2: Because it’s the sphynx!

New Hampshire

Weirdest Roommate Ever

Loud man: …and he wakes me up at night licking my eyelids!

Siam Orchid
Manchester, New Hampshire

Tigers See Right through That Psychobabble

Boy to girl who’s just presented her current event: Your shoe is untied.
Female classmate: Way to pay attention!
Boy: You know, I was just trying to be a friend and tell her so she doesn’t trip and fall or something.
Female classmate: Freud would say otherwise.
Teacher: Freud would say otherwise.
Boy: Yeah, yeah.
Teacher: Do you even know who Freud is?
Boy: Yeah, yeah, the big white tigers — I get it.

Memorial High School
Manchester, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Lily F.

Two Great Tastes That Taste HorribleTogether

Seventeen-year-old girl to boyfriend: You can’t do anything right! I send you in there to buy me some porn and you come out with hermaphrodites? It’s called Real Chicks with Real Dicks, for fuck’s sake.
Boyfriend (in thick accent): I’m sorry… My english…it is not too good. I saw chicks, I saw dicks…I just grabbed it.

Manchester, New Hampshire

Overheard by: taylor

It’s a Subtle Wine/Beer Distinction

Preppy girl: Wait, Irish people are from Ireland? I always thought they were from Italy!

Memorial High School
Manchester, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Lily F.

And Did She Swallow That?

Sophomore guy #1: She got pissy that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore.
Sophomore guy #2: What did you do?
Sophomore guy #1: I told her, ‘I have pressing GPA issues to worry about and can’t be concerned with whether or not you are going to be giving me head.’

Dartmouth College
Hanover, New Hampshire

Overheard by: steph

I Especially Enjoy the Blue Ones

Hyperactive camper: Oh, boy, my favorite — milk and cookies and pills!

Overnight camp
Wolfeboro, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Counselor Lou

…With a Bastard Vampire Baby

Mom to daughter in Team Edward t‑shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn’t be pregnant right now.