Cashier #1: Hey, did you put all those resumes from today with the other pile?
Cashier #2: Oh. Um, I didn't think we were actually hiring, so I might have thrown them out.
London
Canadia
Overheard by: I'm not applying here
Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
For Today's Lab, You Won't Need Partners
Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!
Cleveland State University, Ohio
…As the Queen Said at Her Eulogy.
Teenage boy, about princess Diana: Dude, she was like Mother Teresa, just with better tits!
Palm Harbor
Florida
Overheard by: Jedtheavenger
There Was a Flier in There from a Jimmy Carter Rally
Woman, putting bag on table for security: Ugh, it's really messy, I really need to clean it…I'm sorry.
Security: Ma'am, we're not grading them. (finishes looking through bag) But if we were, I'd give it a c minus.
Hillary Clinton Rally
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Kendal
… Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can’t date him — he’s a vegetarian. You can’t trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You’re just saying that ’cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews — you’d have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don’t know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
How to Come Out As Trans in One Easy Step
Teenage girl to another: You know what I really hate? When your balls sweat.
Glenfield College
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina
Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club–gettin' drunk? (laughs)
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Mistopher
Will It Make a Difference If He’s Guatemalan?
Chick: Just imagine — you go home and your mother has a hot Ecuadorian boy stashed in the back bedroom.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Edgar Allen Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise
Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy’s friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise’s father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I’m sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh. Did you kill him?
Port Jefferson, New York
Overheard by: arctinus