Lecturer: If I’d given you gin instead of phonology, no doubt you’d all be sitting closer together.
Manchester University
UK
Overheard by: Ferdinand
…In the Same Way My Slashing You with This Register Key Would Be Interesting.
Cashier: Sir, would you like to donate that one cent to breast cancer research?
Man: No… I actually think cancer is a great way of controlling population.
Cashier, frowning at him: That’s interesting.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: anastasia
Guess What I’ve Done with the Butter Dispenser
Popcorn hater: Oh my god! You’re going to walk out of there with a popcorn-bag fashioned diaper, aren’t you?
Popcorn enthusiast: It’s supportive and delicious!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
I Swear On This Stack of Flannel Shirts
Drunk sorority girl: I swear, I’m not gay! I just crush a lot.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Is That Why You Always Look Fatter When We Leave Williams Sonoma?
Homely housewife: And she said, “are you going to blot it?” and I said, “of course, that’s why I collect napkins.”
Fayette Mall
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: verticalQ
Besides, It’s Been Done to Death
Girl: I’m not sure if I can be bothered dying.
London
England
The Queen Amidala Headdress Is Really Heavy
Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!
Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California
Behind the Wheel, Sure
Girl (reading inspirational quote): “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) Helen Keller. (to friend) Wasn’t she, like, a killer?
Indigo Bookstore
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sunissa
As I Learned at the Birth-a-Bear Workshop
Boy to friend: I’m totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
Michigan Girls Make a Bid for the Title
Girl #1 in bathroom stall: My poop looks awesome! It has things in it! Come, look!
Girl #2 (waiting outside stall): No.
Girl #1: Come on!
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Please?
Girl #2: No! I never will.
Girl #1: I just won’t flush it and then you’ll have to look.
Girl #2: You better flush that shit!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
