Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women’s tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women’s tights make your junk look bigger!
Commuter Train
Stockholm
Sweden
Overheard by: strictly boxers.
Freshman girl, gesturing: I bet it’s thiiiis tiny!
Big black freshman, barreling up stairs: No! I’ll show you!
High School
Skillman, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3 guesses at what they’re talking about.
Teen #1: So he’s running around with his dick like slapping his abs and he goes “what time you wanna come over?“
Teen #2: His Puerto Rican dick?
Teen #1: Yeah!
Teen #2, sighing dreamily: Oh yeahhhhh.
Flinder’s Street Station
Melbourne
Australia
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
High school girl to friend: You know what I hate? Cocks.
Friend: I know! They’re so annoying.
California
Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can’t get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!
Target
Tempe, Arizona
Guy: Hey, you coming to my place? Allison wants someone to hang with who doesn’t have a penis.
Girl: Yeah, I’m coming, but I’m not sure if I fit those criteria…
Guy: Now I’m scared…
Girl: She thinks she’s getting a friend to girly-chat with, but she may just be getting an ear full of cock.
Hobart, Tasmania
Australia
Teenage girl: You know what I wish I had?
Teenage boy, not paying attention: Uh-huh.
Teenage girl: A penis… I’d just go shoving it into people’s butts.
Teenage boy: Wait… What?
Teenage girl, whispering to herself: I wish I had a penis.
Bus
Ottawa
Canadia
Distraught girl on Valentine’s Day: I can’t get over it, I don’t care if it’s a new hour. I still have the taste of dick in my mouth!
Las Vegas, Nevada
12-year-old boy, enthusiastically: I like my genitalia!
Portland, Oregon
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
