She’s Wrong

Teen girl to friend: She doesn’t even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.

Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

Then Can I Be Your Greeter?

Bossy little girl: No, no, no! You can’t play with us!
Normal little girl: What? Why?
Bossy little girl: Because we want to be unicorns and you want to be Wal-Mart!

Johnstown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: amy

It Took Up All My Free Time and Left Me Really Tired, but Gave Me Some Extra Spending Money

Burly dude to friend: Last week I took a crap that was like having a second job.

Truck stop, I‑81
Allentown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Tha WB

Your Assignment: Write a Children’s Story around Those Three Key Words

Professor: The researchers were trying to see whether or not subjects would react to taboo words. Of course, this was in 1940, so the words they used were things like ‘whore,’ ‘penis,’ and ‘Kotex.’

Widener University
Chester, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: I heart grad school

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Spoiled overtanned blonde: Oh my god, my ex just texted me to go fucking die. How do you spell “psycho?”

Philadelphia, Pennsyvania

For Some Reason, Nobody Ever Listens to Cassandra

Loud girl on cell: Don’t you think he might just be settling for you because he don’t have no other choice? (pause) What I mean is, he’s only marrying you because he can’t find no one better? (pause) This is what I’m talkin’ about. You don’t know nothing. He don’t want to marry you. He just is cause he ain’t got nothing better to do. (pause) Yes, I am serious. Don’t take that tone with me. I know what I’m talkin’ about!

King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

But First, a Round Of Applause for My Lovely Assistant

Physics professor: First we’ll put it in the A hole and then we’ll put it in the other hole.

Allegheny College
Pennsylvania

Somebody Has an Admirer

Woman on the street: In the past 24 hours someone a shoved a dead bird in the grill of my truck!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!

Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!

Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania

Must Be Why They Call It “The Linty City”

Blonde ditz: Oh my god, Philadelphia is, like, pockets!
Brunette ditz: I know, right? There are just sooooo many pockets!