Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second — I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we’re here, and that’s because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
Lecturer: No, seriously! I promise I won’t talk about poo next week!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: ellie.
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Guy on cell, after an exam: It was like the big turd finally dropped, now all I have to worry about are little turds.
Louisiana State University
Overheard by: glad she went to class
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he’s done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh…
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they’re black. Well, actually, they’re brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they’d notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that’s why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You’re so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I’d never take it up the ass from a black guy.
530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Caryn
Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know…
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That’s what we do all day, every day.
Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: andromeda
20-something brunette: I mean, what else are you supposed to do when someone shits their pants…drink more vodka!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Chaser
Professor: You don’t want to have a thin-skinned Prime Minister who’s afraid of puffin poo.
University of Ottawa
Canadia
American history professor: So this Bacon guy died of the flux. Or as I like to say, he shat himself to death.
University Of Louisiana
Monroe, Louisiana
Overheard by: a bored Am. History student
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
