Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!
Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category
How the Woodland Park Zoo Became a Disco Inferno
Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I’ll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jenster
Second-Hand Smoke Is Better Than I Remembered
Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].
São Paulo
Brazil
… Who’s Due in June
Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, ’cause after that it’s bad for the baby.
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/05/shes_bad_for_the_baby.html
Chances Are Good We’ll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we’ve just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal – well, if you can’t figure it out for yourself, you’re in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you’ll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits – front, over-wing and rear – wherever it says so. Don’t even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Not before I’m Old Enough to Spend It on Hookers and Blow
Little kid in leather jacket to random man lighting cigarette: Nooo! Stop! Poison! I am too rich to die!
North Carolina
Not As Cute As a Baby with a Cigar, but Close.
Life insurance rep: So how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Young woman: Oh, maybe like three or four…
Life insurance rep: Oh, that’s cute.
Jersey City, New Jersey
And Pinpointing Its Source Is Almost As Good As Being Alive
Man, offered a cigarette: No, I never smoke.
Woman, offering cigarette: Come on, you won’t get cancer from one cigarette. Well, if you do, you’ll know where it came from.
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/itll_be_a_really_cute_story_so.html
Overheard by: standing outside
…Ginseng, St. John’s Wort, Some Gravel from the Driveway, a Lego…
Tattooed guy: I once tried to smoke Aloe vera.
Taste of India
Minneapolis, Minnesota
But, Oddly Enough, Nine Months Later Sean Preston Was Born
Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn’t ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.
Flight over Atlanta, Georgia
