Smoking

Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn't, I don't smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I'm not gay!

Park
Cincinnati, Ohio

Girl #1: It's like those candy cigarettes you used to get at Halloween. It teaches kids bad principles.
Girl #2: Those taste like crap anyway.
Guy: Yeah, and they never catch.

Boone, North Carolina

Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!

Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: martha

Trashy mom trying to get toddler to leave an animal exhibit: Get over here or I’ll whop your butt!
(five seconds later) And give me back my lighter!

Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Jenster

Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].

São Paulo
Brazil

Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, ’cause after that it’s bad for the baby.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/05/shes_bad_for_the_baby.html

Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal–well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits–front, over-wing and rear–wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.

Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri

Little kid in leather jacket to random man lighting cigarette: Nooo! Stop! Poison! I am too rich to die!

North Carolina

Life insurance rep: So how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Young woman: Oh, maybe like three or four…
Life insurance rep: Oh, that's cute.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Man, offered a cigarette: No, I never smoke.
Woman, offering cigarette: Come on, you won’t get cancer from one cigarette. Well, if you do, you’ll know where it came from.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/itll_be_a_really_cute_story_so.html

Overheard by: standing outside