Smoking

Tattooed guy: I once tried to smoke Aloe vera.

Taste of India
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn't ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.

Flight over Atlanta, Georgia

Flight attendant: Please refrain from smoking for the rest of your life.

Flight over Denver, Colorado

Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.

New Haven, Connecticut

Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-ok-im-pilot.html

Overheard by: aaron

Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.

Akron, Ohio

Smoking man in expensive suit to smoking woman in expensive dress: And then, either way, you're a zombie. Right?

Toronto
Canadia

Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Chick on cell: Christie! Christie! You better not smoke all of your cigarettes today! [Snaps phone shut.]

http://ohinmpls.blogspot.com/2006/10/mullet-lady-on-18-screaming-into-her.html

Overheard by: amy

Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working

Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?

Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts