Young suit: I need to get a new BlackBerry. I dropped my old one in a urinal. Well, I was wearing lederhosen, and they don’t have pockets.

San Jose Airport

Overheard by: Keren

Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She’s definitely going to call the cops on us.


Suit on cell: I don’t know much about this party he’s throwing, other than he got me a pregnant stripper.

Del Monte Shopping Center
Monterey, California

Overheard by: Amy

Young suit #1: So how was that new restaurant you went to?
Young suit #2: It was okay. (points at girl next to him) She had a salad, she liked it. But I don't eat salads.
Girl (pleased): It tasted like leaves.

Rosslyn, Virginia

Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut…
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.

Bridgeport, Connecticut

Overheard by: Agreed

Female suit #1: She's just sad and lonely.
Female suit #2: That's no excuse for Mormonism.

Santa Barbara, California

Young suit #1: Oh, yeah, I start my steroids tomorrow.
Young suit #2: Oh, that’s good. I need to do that.

Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rose

Casual guy: It’s amazing how chummy they are now.
Guy in suit: Chummy? They’re like having weird gay-slash-Jewish sex.

Thornton School of Music, USC
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Yapplebee

Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2's throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Female suit to another: So…how do we do things that make it look like we're doing things?

Overheard by: corporate America, we have a problem