Teachers

Professor: I mean, what’s with getting to know them? What about: You see someone, you don’t even talk, you penetrate them.

UCLA
Los Angeles, CA

Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I'm sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I'm sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean…I don't…ummmm, moving on…

University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana

Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Professor to creative writing class: This is probably one of the smartest things I've ever stumbled upon in my life, so I shouldn't blow my load this early.

University of Wisconsin

Overheard by: Mixi

Undergrad, explaining why he can't answer a question: I'm just tired today. I'm sorry.
Very old professor, non-native English speaker: You are tired?
Student: Yes, I'm sick.
Very old professor: What disease do you have?
Student: I…uh, it's just a cold.
Very old professor: Yes, a cold is not considered disease. You are healthy. You are alive!

Classroom, University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado

30-something male student to teacher: I keep having sex with these girls, and I go for 30 minutes… or sometimes and hour. They don't come. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?
Female professor, confidently: It sounds like you're rubbing 'em raw!

Community College
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Professor: No drinking and driving this weekend! No drugs! …and no babies.

Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: Sara

History teacher, reading from worksheet: ‘The Constitution places restrictions on the powers of the states. Name one.’
Student: Maryland?

Cresson, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ZB

Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.

High School
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

White, middle aged music professor: I don’t do sevenths. Homie don’t play that.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire