She’s Wrong

Teen girl to friend: She doesn’t even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.

Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

But He’s a Cat, Erica

Very serious, very excited young woman: He’s finally becoming a person! He got Facebook and he texts full-sized messages!

Owatonna, Minnesota

Overheard by: feels sorry for those without technology…

A Simple Misunderstanding About the Meaning of “Gearhead”

Guy to friend: So now I get text messages from her every day saying she wants to fuck on the hood of my car!

Lehigh University
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Timbo

But I Can

Ugly girl: So, what if I, like, texted him and said, ‘If you come out with us, I’ll have sex with you’?
Friend: You can’t do that.

Quincy Market bathroom
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Care

Dad Still Isn’t Talking to Me

Girl: T9 is responsible for so many mishaps. Once I tried to text someone “thanks for helping me”. Instead I typed “thanks for humping me.” It was bad!

Tacoma, Washington

I Was All, “But I’m Texting You!”

Young college girl #1: How was your date last night?
Young college girl #2: Okay. I don’t think I’m going out with him again, though.
Young college girl #1: Why?
Young college girl #2: He was weird. He asked me to quit texting while we were having dinner.
Young college girl #1: Rude!

Starbuck’s
Fayetteville, Arkansas

Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder

Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She’s the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who’s the one who’s not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.

Frederick, Maryland

I’m Saving My Mouth for Marriage

Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!

The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana

But It Came with the ESP Feature

Teen guy #1: Fuck, my girlfriend hasn’t texted me back in over two hours!
Teen guy #2: Do you even have your phone on you?
Teen guy #1: No, it’s in the car.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Your Editors Have a Soft Spot for Girls Who Say “Suitors”

Slutty looking girl: I want to send a bulletin to all my male suitors: “you will not be getting into my pants by texting me and asking me to give you a back massage. The bum who told me god did a beautiful job making my legs this morning had a better chance.”

Ogilvie Train Station
Chicago, Illinois