Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, ‘Oooh, that smells like ass!’ and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure — your ass must smell like pussy.
Cleo’s, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: EEE
Chick to friend: Man, you’ve gotta get laid. I need to live vicariously through someone’s vagina.
Village Inn
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Tabs
[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.]
Western Australia
Australia
Girl to friend: I can’t believe I fell asleep next to your vagina. I woke up and my face was next to your brick wall. [Kisses friend.] I love your brick wall.
Caribou Coffee
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Girl to friend: I gave my ostrich a fur coat.
Rich Catholic Girls School
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when “turning out the lights” means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!
George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Your sister won
Girl: She has vagina legs.
Guy friend: How does she have vagina legs?
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
