Frat boy: Indian food can’t be any good! I mean, if it was, they’d have chain restaurants!
Washington, DC
Archive for the ‘Washington, DC’ Category
Just Plug and Play– What Could Be Easier?
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
We Better Just Get Off the Train, Mom
Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don’t have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?
Subway
Washington, DC
Alan Breaks Into a Chorus of “Gonna Floss Those Reds Right Out of My Lair”
Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is… Oooh! Toothbrushes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ak
He Feels Guilty When He Calls Things Hot Trannies Messes
Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he’s like Jewish gay.
American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I’m Jewish
And You Thought Picking Up Girls at Funerals Was Bad
Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I’m bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.
Yellow Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: entertained next to them
I’m Basically a Communal Stress Ball
Yuppie girl on cell: … And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit… But she knows she’ll never be at my level.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
New Yorkers: We Thought It Was Clean
Girl #1: I wonder if vegans get on the metro and, like, can’t sit down because the seats are leather.
Guy: No, this is pleather.
Girl #2: If it were leather it would smell like it.
Guy: No, that’s only clean leather.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vegan sitting on the Metro
What’s the Word for Ironic Irony?
Young hipster dude to older hipster dude: Man, fuck Yanni. That guy sucks. [Mocks his singing] ‘The best part of waking up…’ Wait, no, that’s Michael Bolton. Wait, no, that’s Folgers!
Blue line Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing at that guy
I Hear the Russian Judge Gives Extra Points for That
Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that’s the only ass I would lick even if it wasn’t clean.
Washington, DC
