Mother to screaming child: Look, if it were up to me, you could watch all the porn you want.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category
For the Same Reason I Like Tightly-Wrapped Christmas Presents
(a couple at the checkout counter buying nylons)
Girl: I’m really excited for these tights.
Guy (excessively excited): Me too!
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Why Some Kids Wet the Bed
Mother to five-year-old: Keep moving, we don’t want to be in the first car. If the train crashes, we’d be done for.
Metro North Railroad
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BOB Sled
But I Still Have That Restraining Order Against the Koosh Kins
Man to wife: You can bring the Beanie Babies if you really want.
Brighton
England
Overheard by: Randy
Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?
[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we’re just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!
Vons
Ventura, California
The Toilet-Swirl Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Backwards in New Zealand
Dude: I wish all guys had boobs.
Girl: What?!
Dude: It’s so much more appropriate to grope a guy than a girl!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
…From the Great Beyond
Girl #1: Dude, my phone is ringing but I don’t want to pick it up…I’m too high right now.
Girl #2: Pick it up, it may be important.
Girl #1 (picking it up): Hello? (hangs up)
Girl #2: Well, who was it?
Girl #1: I don’t know, just a bunch of voices.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Zboots1
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don’t Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can’t deal with your shit anymore! You don’t respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn’t deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don’t want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
Tomorrow’s Lessons: What About Bob? and Chasing Amy
Girl #1: Oh, Kill Bill is on this week!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I wanna watch that. I think I’d really like it. I really like martial arts films.
(pause)
Girl #1: So, is Bill the name of the guy she wants to kill?
Girl #2, incredulous: Uh-huh.
Perth
Australia
Allison Took Silver at the Entitlement Olympics
Flight attendant to woman putting luggage in the only overhead compartment left: Ma’am, if you put your luggage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you’ll have to wait to deplane until everyone else has because you can’t go back here if you’re up front when people are trying to exit the plane.
Woman: But this is my only option!
Flight attendant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!
Allegiant Airline
Ft. Wayne, Indiana
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
