Words

Blonde teen: Please don't pull my finger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?

Homecoming Football Game
Minnesota

Professor: Flaccid. That's such a great word. Flaccid.

USC
Australia

Loud teenage girl: Oh my god, condoms are flying everywhere!

Ridgewood, New Jersey

Overheard by: i don’t see any condoms

Before Harry Hole Joined the Police Force

Sheepish-looking PhD student coming out of washroom: Oh yes! I wasn't taking a shower with a glass of chardonnay! By “wasn't” I mean “was”, by “taking a shower” I mean “taking a dump”, and by “glass” I mean “bottle”. (long pause, looking down the hall) I was taking a dump with a bottle of chardonnay!

University of Northern Norway
Norway

Bar manager: So, did you watch that film I gave you?
Bouncer: Yeah, man — I couldn’t get past the opening credits without a box of tissues.

Bar
Westchester, New York

Overheard by: Tom

50-something man to 50-something woman: You are not homeless. Homeless people don't own dinnerware!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Morpheus

Girl on cell: I just heard the most epic pickup line. Like, if Homer had known this pickup line it would have been all over The Odyssey.

Northwestern University
Illinois

Little girl: Mom, what’s a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!

Denver, Colorado

Big dude on phone: Yeah, I am feeling better… I woke up at four a.m. this morning, but it’s okay — I’m taking that euthanasia stuff and it seems to be helping.

Tram, Victoria Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia

Overheard by: Louise

Girl #1: A baby exploded on me today.
Girl #2: Did you just say “exploded”?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Ew!

Milwaukee, Wisconsin