One year old: (cries and yells loudly)
Teacher: You're going to wake up all my friends. That'll make me sad. Do you want me to cry?
One year old: (pauses, nods emphatically)

Preschool, Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Girl to another: There's a rich Canadian somewhere deep inside you. You need to let it out.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Eleven-year-old greeting another: Spank me, bitch!

Surbiton
England

Overheard by: What has the world come to?

Waitress: Yeah, we think we know why it tasted funny. You know how you defrost, then refreeze, the defrost and then cook seafood?
Group of diners: (blank stare)
Waitress: Yeah, we think it was that.
Group of diners: What?

Victoria
Australia

Girl #1: I don't like bananas.
Girl #2: How can you not like nature's penis?

University of Southern California

20-something guy in bar: If I could go back in time, would I stop Hitler? No. I would go back to Mardi Gras!

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Girl to boyfriend: The only way you could ever top my dad in awesomeness is if I found out that he was actually Hitler.

Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

Girl: His 'twitter'? You mean his dick?

UC Santa Cruz

Woman on cell: Who's going to protect Obama from the mafia?!?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Hadri

Conductor: We are now approaching Oceanside. Look out your window and you will see a beautiful view of the seaside.
Old man: I don't see no sea! I don't see no side, neither!

San Diego, California