Chick: Oklahoma and Ohio — I always get those two mixed up.
Chick: Wait, which one is in the middle of the country?
Dude: Uh, they both are, kind of.
Chick: Oh, well, which one is a state?
Chick: Yeah, that’s why I get them mixed up!
Overheard by: taranto
60-ish woman looking in door: I thought you had to have some hooters to be able to work at one.
Latina: … And so she taught her nephews how to put condoms on by having them practice putting them on her vibrator!
Boy toy: What the fuck? How old are they?
UCLA, Charles E. Young Drive
Los Angeles, California
Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother — after an hour, I’m sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let’s say you come over tonight and spend the night — you can’t sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don’t want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Is that an offer?
Very serious little boy to distracted mother: Do you know why I want a solar-powered light saber? Because it’s dangerous!
Southwest YMCA, Quito Avenue
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Chick: I just don’t want any commitments right now.
Dude: Can we still be fuck-buddies?
Mendota Heights, Minnesota
Woman reading newspaper: I can’t believe how illiterate kids are these days. It says here that when they were asked who Joan of Arc was, many of them said she was Noah’s wife.
Girl: Who was she, Grandma?
Woman: She was the woman who grew her hair long and rode a horse naked.
Port Townsend, Washington
Shopkeeper: How’s your wife? Did they take her in to have the baby yet?
Shopper: Yeah, they took her in this morning to be seduced.
Overheard by: limeinside
Girl, almost running into parking meter: Whoops.
Guy: Holy crap! Did you really just do that?
Girl: Shut up. [Guy gradually edges her off to the side.] … Are you trying to make me actually run into one?! [Guy laughs.] Ughhh, I am so withholding sex.
Guy: Wait, wait! I didn’t mean it!
Church Street and 7th Avenue
Overheard by: pedestrian