Professor: It’s like she said — what’s your name again?
Professor: Alandra. Okay, I’m going to try and remember that.
Girl: It’s easy. Alandra. Just think of ‘a laundromat.’
Man jumping out of port-a-potty like a gymnast: … And he sticks the landing!
Overheard by: only at DRAM
Man to another: Remember when we first started? We swung both ways.
Overheard by: bp
Thug to pit bull on leash: What time are you gonna shit? … No, seriously, what time?
Overheard by: jchill
Dude to chick: But seriously, aren’t you afraid that when you give birth you’re going to shit yourself?
Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She’s definitely going to call the cops on us.
Confused girl to another: You’re a man-whore? I’m a man-whore, too!
Overheard by: anonymous
Guy #1: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot to tell you about it… If you were on Facebook, I would have invited you.
Guy #2, pissed: … I live two doors down from you!
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don’t think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens… But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Overheard by: E
Teen: I used to think I was fat, but then I realized I wouldn’t have had sex with five guys if I was fat. No one wants to have sex with a fat girl.
Overheard by: BTON