Girl #1: Ewww, that tastes like glue! I mean, I imagine if I knew what glue tasted like, it would taste like that.
Girl #2: You know what tastes like glue? Rice noodles.
Overheard by: scott
Bitter guy: Men and women are like stones in a river that lived next to each other for a long time… But one of the stones is a stupid confused idiot who doesn’t ever want to be happy or for any stones anywhere to be freaking happy.
Girl #1: I’m really scared right now! What are they doing? They’re going to break into some sort of big orgy any second!
Girl #2: It looks like some sort of weird sacrificial dance!
Girl #3: Yeah, like they’re getting ready to sacrifice a lamb!
Girl #2: Or a virgin!
Girl #1: Can they stop?! They’re giving me goosebumps! What are they doing?! Stop!
Woman #1, wearing an arm cast: Yeah, so my husband broke his hand now, too.
Woman #2: How’d he do that?
Woman #1: I ran it over with my car.
Woman #2: Why?!
Woman #1: Well, he ran mine over first!
Woman #2: I guess I can see that as a good reason…
Lady: Yeah, he’s cute… for a seven-year-old girl.
Overheard by: H
Dude: I have the best idea for a party — dress as your favorite crime!
Overheard by: A white collar criminal
White boy: I’m just a freshman. I don’t know how to get bitches yet.
Professor: It’s like she said — what’s your name again?
Professor: Alandra. Okay, I’m going to try and remember that.
Girl: It’s easy. Alandra. Just think of ‘a laundromat.’
Man jumping out of port-a-potty like a gymnast: … And he sticks the landing!
Overheard by: only at DRAM