Girl to friends: I’m 31 years old, for Christ’s sake. My mom doesn’t get it. I’m too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it’s a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl to friends: I’m 31 years old, for Christ’s sake. My mom doesn’t get it. I’m too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it’s a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl: I really don’t know why I have such an unhealthy obsession with lesbians.
Bakersfield, California
Teacher: I’m leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you’re in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Woman: …and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let’s go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he’ll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?
Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Guy walking opposite traffic on a one-way street: If I get hit by another car my mom will be pissed.
Clemson, South Carolina
College student to friend: Scott* is so funny. Like, last night, he was looking at his penis…
University of Delaware
Little girl in bathroom stall with mother: Doody! It’s fun to say “doody” in the bathroom! Say “doody,” mom!
Whole Foods
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: I almost said it myself.
Student: I’m as much like Hitler as Hitler was.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Kat
Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car’s loudspeaker): I’m not a motherfucker.
University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Anne
Three-year-old boy, pulling action figure out of a box of toys, whispering: I love you, He-Man. (louder) I love you, He-Man! (at the top of his little lungs) I love you, He-Man!
Monarc Thrift Shop
Red Bank, New Jersey
Overheard by: klutch
