Woman: My daughter is terrified of dying. Not because she's scared of death, but because she doesn't want to go to heaven where the dinosaurs are.

Portland, Oregon

Guy: I didn't think that there were any battles in Colorado during the Civil War.
Blowhard: Yeah, sure there were. But only… spreatically.

Peterson Air Force Base, Colorado

British Muslim girl at pub table in flimsy top: Why is everyone staring at me?
Male friend #1: (giggles)
Male friend #2: Erm… Are you cold?
British Muslim girl, looking down at her chest: Fucking hell, you could cut glass with my nipples…
Male friend #1: They look like Scud missiles.

Nottingham
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Little girl: Why are there so many bumper stickers from my school?
Mom: Because those people go to your school, sweetie.
Little girl, after long pause: But mommy, if I go to a private school, shouldn't it be a secret?

Marinwood, California

Overheard by: Lauren

Girl in teal Nikes: Dude, you still need to name your bong!
Guy: Yeah, you're right…
(30 seconds later)
Guy: You know I was just thinking about the day we met…
Girl in teal Nikes: You and your bong?
Guy: No, me and you…?
Girl in teal Nikes: Oh. Well, then this is awkward.

Berkeley, California

Girl: My grandfather always used to blow his nose into a handkerchief.
Guy: Then what happened?
Girl: He died.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Cryptic

Nurse: If a funky twat were a death sentence, all these bitches would be on death row.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Greg and Lacy

Little girl reaching for dandruff shampoo: Mommy, I want this!
Mom: No, you do not have dandruff.
Little girl: Yes I do!

Buenos Aires
Argentina

Overheard by: Murphy

Boyfriend: I want a small pig.
Girlfriend: They all small when they're born, really small.
Boyfriend: I want a small pig.
Girlfriend: But they get bigger, you know. (opens car door)
Boyfriend, insistent: I want a pig that starts small and stays small. (opens car door)
Girlfriend, highly irritated: We're not getting a fucking pig unless… (slams car door)

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Glasses Girl

Cute guy: Katrice is a pretty name. I've never heard it before.
Cute girl: Yeah… It's like polio.

Tempe, Arizona