Not-hot brunette guy: Stop rubbing your ass.
Hot blond guy: But I'm sore.
Hot brunette guy: Shut up!
Hot blond guy: I'm not complaining, by the way.
Not-hot brunette guy: I think it's better in the morning, too.
Hot brunette guy: I said shut up!
Hot blond guy: Please. Like anyone cares that you guys fucked me before breakfast.

American University
Washington, DC

Girl to her friend: I mean, it was only a blowjob. It's not like he mouth-fucked her at gunpoint.

Orono, Maine

Gay guy: I'm going to make sexism my bitch!

St. Joseph High School
Michigan

40-something professor on cell: You know how some days everyone looks ugly and unattractive? Well, today's the opposite for me. Everyone looks cute and attractive to me. I must be ovulating.

University of Colorado at Boulder

Overheard by: Wish I hadn't overheard that…

Older lady, passing craft shop: I need more textiles like I need a hole in the head.

Coolidge Corner
Brookline, Massachusetts

Girl walking with two male friends: And you didn't see it coming! No one saw it coming!
Guy #1, quietly to guy #2: Did you see it coming?
Guy #2: I totally saw it coming.
Girl, oblivious: Not one single person saw it coming!

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Felicity Thistle

Gravel-voiced Southie guy, to another: Building a sandwich is the most painful friggin' thing I've ever had to do.

Brighton, Massachusetts

Clerk, selling condoms: What size would you like?
Ghetto guy, looking at girl next in line: The biggest size you got!

Delaware

Professor: There is one good thing about being a public enemy. People take you seriously.

Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia

Professor, on Stalin's five year plan: Now as is often the case for something like this undertaking to be successful, he had to kill a few million motherfuckers to get shit done. But hey, worked out pretty good for him.

Comparative Government
Florida State University