Husband: Isn't Kelsey Grammer dead?
Wife: No. (pause) He's a Republican…

Germantown, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Very buff man: She was so excited she ate my daughter's shit!

Montreal
Canadia

Overheard by: Alex

Mother to fussy infant: We are not friends. Do you hear me? What is it about me that makes you want to throw up?

Chesapeake, Virginia

Orange line subway driver: I'm closing the doors to this train, and don't you be thinkin' god's gonna open a window and let your ass on.

http://www.universalhub.com/2011/lets-play-guess-subway-line

Teen girl #1: I'm freezing! I texted my mom and asked her to bring me a sweatshirt and she said no! I mean, I brought one with me but it makes me look too puffy.
Teen girl #2: I know, right?

Newington, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Heather

Professor: And then of course you're gonna get the morons who say that aliens created the pyramids.
Student: You mean they didn't? You can't explain that!

Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey

Female college student during lecture: I didn't eat for two days after watching Human Centipede because I was afraid to poop.

Chicago, Illinois

High school boy on bus: But I don't want to shoot up heroin into my balls!

San Francisco, California

Guy: I may or may not have taken part in an orgy. I don't know yet.

Los Angeles, California

Guy to another: You can't just attack a man when is scratching his balls: that's just bad etiquette!

Coloardo Springs, Colorado