Older man to 20-something, exiting elevator: And that, my friend, is why you never pick up women in the grocery store.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: MrLouth

Theater kid #1: What are you doing?
Theater kid #2, not looking up from script: Slaying a cat.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Alex

Hyper cashier: Have a nice day! Don't molest little children!

Lowes Foods
Clayton, North Carolina

Tourist to another: Then they give you the head and hind legs to take back to your family and friends.

Kampala
Uganda

Pretty girl on mobile: He's not a crackhead… he's just a pirate!

Melbourne
Australia

Scotch-loving professor: All gods and assholes come from the university of Toronto!

University of Saskatchewan
Canadia

Maniacally grinning professor: Is this a nice grin? A Canadian “maple syrup and marshmallows” grin? No! This is a nasty grin!

University of Saskatchewan
Canadia

Girl #1: And in the morning, when I finish my shower, I vacuum my hair…
Girl #2: Wait, what?

McGill Campus
Montreal
Canadia

Enthusiastic Japanese girl at touristy “holiday village”, breathing in deeply: Smells like America!

Seattle, Washington

Rich girl on cell: So, I was like thinking of going to Thailand. (pause) You know, to help the orphans? I really just have to get out of LA.

Beverly Hills, California

Overheard by: like totally