Nicely dressed middle-aged woman to nicely-dressed friend: Don't get your dildo out here!
Nicely dressed friend: But it's so wonderful, I never have to change the batteries!

4-Star-Hotel Corridor
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Eric

Teenage girl on cell: So I was giving him like, the best head ever, and he was like moaning and… what? (pause) Oh, what the fuck ever!? You're so fuckin ridiculous, you're a prudey little cunt! (pause) What the shit?! Ugh, just shut up. Just shut up. (pause) Okay. Okay. Bye, mom.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: what the…

Flight attendant: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard, your pilot tonight will be Captain Morgan…

International Airport
Philidelphia, Pennsylvania

Man with toddler in arms to wife: Look! I found “a hobo Christmas” with Gerald McRaney!
Wife: That's a steaming pile of shit…
Grabby toddler: I want the shit!

Blockbuster
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Three-year-old girl being dragged along by her father, in whiny voice: Nooooo-body likes me. I'm soooooooo unpopular. Eeeeeeeeeeverybody haaaaaaaaaaates me!
Father: That's nice, now come on.
Three-year-old girl: I hate my life.

Shopping Mall
Sydney
Australia

Suit on cell: Oh, who cares if he gets hurt? He's about to die!

University of Louisville
Kentucky

Blonde girl: I get it! Prunes are dried potatoes!

Washington State

Ginger boy to friends: She told me, “Scott, you have two hands, I have two breasts… what's the problem?!”

Starbucks, Catholic University of America
Washington, DC

Overheard by: No problem.

Teacher: Humans are the only animals that like to actively burn things… except for dragons.

Santa Susana High School
Simi Valley, California

Senior girl to teacher: What was Hitler's last name?

Comsewogue High School
Long Island, New York