Cheerful plump 20-something girl on cell: I had a hook-up last night… with a llama!

Oakland, California

Overheard by: Random Camelid

Coked up psychopath to group of people at pub table: Yeah! I'm the cunt of the group! Mind if I join you?
Guy at table: Erm…
Coked up psychopath, sitting down: Are you fucking students? I fucking hate fucking students. Are you from the Midlands? Are you from K-town? I just got out of prison. Two years for dealing coke. Wanna buy any coke? I sell to all the guys around here. You know short Irish Pete? I did two years inside with that cunt. (to one of the girls at the table) You've got massive tits. Are those fake eyelashes? You're not a fucking student, are you?
Guy at table: Mate… we're just trying have a quiet drink.
Coked up psychopath: You lookin' for a fucking pagga, you cunt? I've got a fucking knife. (turns to girl with large breasts) I like your fucking tits.

Pub
Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

20-something girl: I've got a question: what are donkeys made of?

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Female student: That picture was awful. I looked so pale. I mean, I looked Ethiopian. It was bad.
Male student: Huh? You looked… what?
Female student: Pale! Like Ethiopian.
Male student: Are you trying to say “albino”?
Female student: Oh.

Mississippi College School of Law

EMT #1, buying snuff: At least I quit smoking.
EMT #2: What are you talking about? I saw you have a cigarette a few days ago.
EMT #1: I was drinking.
EMT #2: We were at work, if you were drinking and didn't share… we have a problem.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: that girl from Sunoco

Ridiculously attractive busty blonde girl, in very short skirt and tiny top, to two policemen hunting in the rain for lost mobile phone: Aw! Thank you guys so much! I don't know how I lost it. You're so kind to help me!
Policeman, trying hard not to stare at her now rather wet top: Anything we can do to help, miss.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Lady in next bathroom stall: And that Febreeze with gain smells like poop.

Target
Concord, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Thanks for the info

Woman, screaming into cell: She has a cyst… A cyst!… It's infected… Infected!… And it keeps opening up!

Long Island Jewish Hospital
New York

Overheard by: Ladle

Blonde teenage girl, looking at DJ Hero box: Oh, I thought it said “BJ Hero,” I would have kicked ass at that.

England

17-year-old standing in front of spices in grocery store: Whoa! They organized all of these by the Dewey decimal system?
Mother: No honey, that's the alphabet.

Wegmans
New Jersey

Overheard by: SM