Ireland

Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!

Cork
Ireland

Tiny girlfriend: I know way more Killers songs than I thought!
Tall boyfriend (patting her head): It's because you're clever.

Northern Ireland

Overheard by: Limeinside