Sheriff: These are kind of like deputy pickles.

Overheard by: anonymous

Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees…

Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC

Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There’s no meat in them.

Super Target

Overheard by: Brian

Dude: What did you bring for lunch?
Chick: A banana.
Dude: Won’t you be hungry?
Chick: No, I’ll eat it really slowly. That way it’ll last the whole day and I won’t worry about eating until I get home.
Dude: The whole day? Won’t it get brown and nasty? Do you want me to buy you a sandwich?
Chick: I said I’m eating a goddamn banana. Stop forcing your devil food into me!

Newbie: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor: When it looks like French toast.

Oceanview Terrace dining hall, UCSD
San Diego, California

Russian mother to young daughter: No, you are not going to eat crayons for lunch!

Nashua, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Crayola

Perky grad student: I got kicked out of vegetarianism for eating brains. I ate brains, I ate testicles, I ate stomachs… Stomachs are really gross.

Blacksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Amy

Old lady to son: People are like teabags. You know?


50-something man to 50-something woman: You are not homeless. Homeless people don't own dinnerware!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Morpheus

Woman in line at the bank: I am thinking about leaving him. All he does is lie to me!
Friend: Oh? Lie about what?
Woman: Well, yesterday he bought me some of that Nutella spread? He said it was chocolate, but I know for a fact that it's hazelnut!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania