Ireland

Old lady to friend: … And the husband’s given up the Viagra for Lent, so I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself!

Dublin
Ireland

Overheard by: future old lady

Shopkeeper: How’s your wife? Did they take her in to have the baby yet?
Shopper: Yeah, they took her in this morning to be seduced.

Bangor
Northern Ireland

Overheard by: limeinside

American tourist: It all started when I said, ‘Hey, Dave, are you up for a sword fight?’

Temple Bar
Dublin
Ireland

Irishman to friend, huddling under bar's awning during massive downpour: And people wonder why we drink…

Dublin
Ireland

Overheard by: l_tau

Man holding nose picking child: Fiver to hug the child! Just a fiver, a fiver to cuddle the child!

Belfast
Northern Ireland

Overheard by: I'll give you £2!

Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.

Craigavon
Northern Ireland

Little boy, as plane starts its descent: Oh my god! What are going to do? We are going to get stuck in the clouds! Please! Somebody help us! Help!

Dublin
Ireland

Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.

Dublin
Ireland

Girl #1: Oh, I like your jacket.
Girl #2: Thanks, it's not mine, Julie loaned it to me. Thank god she did, because she puked on mine.
Girl #1: Is that why she loaned it to you?
Girl #2: No, I didn't tell her she puked on mine. It's not really cool to bring up stuff people did when they were having a seizure.

Cork
Ireland

Mother to child: You seem to be on a mission today to decapitate my toes.

Crowded LUAS tram
Dublin
Ireland