Surgeon: Hey, I need to change the big, sticky plastic dressing on your arm. Wanna go slow or do it in one fell swoop?
Patient, looking at dressing covering length of arm: Nahhh, that ain't gon' be no wonton soup…

Jamaica Hospital

Overheard by: MS3

Newly admitted psych patient: I'm here because I'm crazy! What the hell is art therapy going to do for me?

Highland Park, Illinois

Nurse: How are the bowel movements?
Patient: Define “bowel movements.”

Overheard by: Not a Dr