Girl #1: I bet she has scabies.
Girl #2: Yeah, probably.
Girl #1: Actually, I’m not sure I know what scabies is.
Girl #2: Well, if you can get it from a lizard she probably has it.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Man to woman: When was the last time you waxed your saddle?
Caltrain, San Francisco to Palo Alto
Overheard by: Sarks
Little girl in bathroom stall with mother: Doody! It’s fun to say “doody” in the bathroom! Say “doody,” mom!
Whole Foods
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: I almost said it myself.
Skater guy: I’m not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it’s like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-need-something-that-accentuates-crack.html
Overheard by:
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where’d ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh… 6.
Principal, grinning: Don’t worry, Shane* -I think you’re man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it’s true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you… (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.
Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia
Woman: Wooo! It’s wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You’ve been waiting to say that for a long time, haven’t you?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I’ve got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like “I don’t see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
