That, or the Mescaline Is Finally Kicking In.

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I’m not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt

Posted on May 13, 2023
Animals, Family ties, Guys, Hair, Illinois, On the phone, Parenting

Oh, Poor Maggie Gyllenhaal

Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured… And forced to wear party hats.

Red Line train
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: I totally know what you mean…

Posted on May 12, 2023
Beauty, Chicks, Illinois

But I’ve Told Them We Don’t Negotiate with Terrorists.

Children librarian, about girl scout troop outside: Um…they’re throwing rocks at the windows.

Library
Suburbia, Illinois

Overheard by: martha

Posted on May 4, 2023
Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Illinois, Kids, Violence, Weirdness

Thanks, Make‐a‐Wish Foundation!

Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It’s official – I’m going to be ovulating on my wedding day.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Double V

Posted on April 30, 2023
Bars & Clubs, Default, Drunks, Gender issues, Girls, Illinois, Relationships, Weirdness

Um, Remember When You Tried That with Tampons?

Blonde girl: Whats with the eye patch?
Girl with eye patch: Oh my god, I tried to take out my contact but it was already out, so I ended up peeling off my cornea or something!
Blonde girl: Ew! You should wear two contacts, so that doesn’t happen again.

Carbondale, Illinois

Overheard by: screaming on the inside

Posted on April 4, 2023
Body parts, Default, Girls, Illinois, Questions, Stupidity

…Instead Of Carrying Around This Scale Model

Mother to toddler daughter: Would you rather I just say “testicles”?

Art Institute of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on March 27, 2023
Balls, Default, Illinois, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Women

The Hockey Mask and Mug Of Syrup Were Also Excellent Clues

Student #1: So what do you think, eh?
Student #2: Are you Canadian?
Student #1: Why in the world are you asking me that? Is it because I said “eh”?
Student #2: Well, yeah.
Student #1: That is a total misconception! Not all Canadians end sentences with the word “eh”! I can’t believe you think that!
Student #2: (thinking it over) So are you?
Student #1: Canadian? Yes.

Wabash
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Laughing as I pass

Posted on March 21, 2023
Default, Illinois, Offers and requests, Questions, Students, Words

I Need to Know More about What You Tried

Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, ‘Oooh, that smells like ass!’ and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure — your ass must smell like pussy.

Cleo’s, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: EEE