Worker #1, to guy checking watch repeatedly: God! You’re such a spaz!
Worker #2: I’m a spaz? You’re the one who has to sort your rubber bands by color, size, and shape.
Worker #1: Shape? Rubber bands only come in one shape!
Worker #2: Well, you sort the broken and unbroken ones.
Worker #1: … Broken isn’t a shape.
Monsanto break room
Waterman, Illinois
Girl: I’m using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I’m using… a pumpkin!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Hoochie: If I could get a hundred bucks just for showing my titties on Jerry Springer, I’d so do it.
Chicago, Illinois
New male employee: You shouldn’t open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don’t tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She’ll cut you!
Jimmy John’s
Charleston, Illinois
Overheard by: I just want my sandwich
[Family looking at a Golden Compass poster.]Mom: Oooh! The new Narnia movie!
Dad: Did you know the polar bear is Jesus?
Great Escape Theater
Illinois
Overheard by: The Surly Usher
Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn’t know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that’s Cosmo!
Barnes & Noble
Illinois
Girl on cell: I just heard the most epic pickup line. Like, if Homer had known this pickup line it would have been all over The Odyssey.
Northwestern University
Illinois
Girl #1: How come I always feel drunk whenever you're drunk?
Girl #2: I don't know.
Girl #1: I think we're drunk cycling together!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
