Girl: I’m using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I’m using… a pumpkin!

Wheaton, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Hoochie: If I could get a hundred bucks just for showing my titties on Jerry Springer, I’d so do it.

Chicago, Illinois

New male employee: You shouldn’t open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don’t tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She’ll cut you!

Jimmy John’s
Charleston, Illinois

Overheard by: I just want my sandwich

[Family looking at a Golden Compass poster.]Mom: Oooh! The new Narnia movie!
Dad: Did you know the polar bear is Jesus?

Great Escape Theater

Overheard by: The Surly Usher

Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn’t know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that’s Cosmo!

Barnes & Noble

Guy with luggage: What’s the temperature tonight?
Guy without luggage: Two.
Guy with luggage: Two? Two! Why the fuck do people live here!?

Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois

Girl on cell: I just heard the most epic pickup line. Like, if Homer had known this pickup line it would have been all over The Odyssey.

Northwestern University

Crazy guy at bus stop to young woman passing: Hey, girl, what's going on?
(girl passes without saying anything) Yeah, that's my girl right there!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

Girl #1: How come I always feel drunk whenever you're drunk?
Girl #2: I don't know.
Girl #1: I think we're drunk cycling together!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I'm not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt