Little boy waiting in line with his mom: Mommy, have you ever been ripped apart?
Lane Bryant
St Cloud, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jesi
Chick #1: The problem with buying a house seized by the police? Someone could have been murdered there.
Chick #2: That’s not a problem, that’s a bonus!
Aurora, Colorado
Guy: Well, do you have lots of unprotected sex with anonymous men?
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: (pause) Well, you’re probably safe then.
Southern Oregon University
Overheard by: Kayli
Man to woman: When was the last time you waxed your saddle?
Caltrain, San Francisco to Palo Alto
Overheard by: Sarks
Harried mom: Get off the stage now! It’s time to go!
Obstinate toddler: No!
Harried mom: Who’s the boss of you?
Obstinate toddler: …you.
Harried mom: And who’s the boss of me?
Obstinate toddler: Daddy!
Harried mom: No!
Barnes & Noble
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: That Bookseller Chick
Professor, during a discussion about Lear’s daughters in King Lear: well, don’t you guys ever lie?
(class stays silent)
Professor: You all lie, especially the girls.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Hipster college dude: You mean you had anal?
Hipster college chick: Well, more like mental anal.
Hipster college dude: Mental anal. Hmmm, let me think on that a spell.
UNM Campus
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: klutch
Professor: The dew line -by the way, any Rush fans in here?
(three or four raise hands in a class of 200)
Professor: Only three? That’s a sad state of affairs.
Canadian History Lecture
University of Toronto
Canadia
Customer (ordering a birthday cake for his wife): Can you put “You’re better lookin’ than your twin sister” on it?
Alpine Bakery
Concord, California
