Dutch employee: Well, I don’t like your American style and I don’t like your American way, and I don’t want to speak English anymore [walks off].
American chick, to colleagues: Keep that bitch away from me or she’s dead.

Major bank

Mom: So, how long are you going away with those people?
Daughter: The whole weekend. The whole fucking weekend with those morons!
Mom, reflecting: God… We’ll need to buy you a lot of booze.

São Paulo

Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother — after an hour, I’m sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let’s say you come over tonight and spend the night — you can’t sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don’t want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.

Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Overheard by: Is that an offer?

Girl in dorm bathroom: I just love it when they shove evolution down my throat! That’s my favorite…

University of Wisconsin

20-ish woman: I never realized how boring I was until I spent a night in jail and only had myself… And I’m really boring.

Overheard by: try singing hymns

Frat boy: Dude, the dumbest thing I ever did was graduate…

Wall Street
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: alexis

Dude: Have you ever masturbated?
Chick: Uh… No…
Dude: Seriously? To me that’s like… like standing in front of a house of cards for, like, 18 years and just never being like, ‘I’m going to tip that shit over.’

Eugene, Oregon

Chick: I was just in the bathroom trying to throw up, and I just can’t do it! I just gag. A penis can make me throw up, but my own two fingers cant… I hate giving blowjobs.

Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON

Bitter guy: Men and women are like stones in a river that lived next to each other for a long time… But one of the stones is a stupid confused idiot who doesn’t ever want to be happy or for any stones anywhere to be freaking happy.

Eugene, Oregon

Girl #1: I’m really scared right now! What are they doing? They’re going to break into some sort of big orgy any second!
Girl #2: It looks like some sort of weird sacrificial dance!
Girl #3: Yeah, like they’re getting ready to sacrifice a lamb!
Girl #2: Or a virgin!
Girl #1: Can they stop?! They’re giving me goosebumps! What are they doing?! Stop!