Female cashier on cell while ringing up items: Of course I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom! [Long pause, then smirks flirtatiously.] Ew, Jonathon! [Lowers voice] I don’t do that to myself — especially not into my hands…
Staples
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: very amused
20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that’s just my hand sanitizer.
Flight to Buffalo, New York
Buxom girl wearing strapless dress with no bra: I feel like my tits are really low. Do they look really low?
Van Housen Hall, Potsdam College
Potsdam, New York
Overheard by: minibab
Guy: No one in America uses pennies anymore!
Girl: I use pennies…
Guy: Then you’re not American!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: nicklesg
Guy #1: Hey, brother, can I ask you something? What is text messaging?
Guy #2: You don’t know what that is?
Guy #1: No… I was at this club the other night, and this fly young ho gave me digits and asked me to text her.
Guy #2: Damn, brother, you’re gonna have to get your nephew to teach you texting. It’s almost like e-mail, but on your cell phone. It has reply — now or later, and forward, if you wanna send it on to a brother.
Guy #1: I guess. I never heard of it before.
Guy #2: Yeah, nigga, if you wanna kick it with these young bitches you gotta learn to text.
Guy #1: How times have changed.
Guy #2: I know it, brother… Next thing you know, they’re gonna be textin’ you in bed. Text you their moans and shit. It is going to be the downfall of making love.
Restaurant, Long Island Marriott
New York
Overheard by: Stephen
50-ish guy: … And now I inherited his twin sister!
Woodstock, New York
Dude: I want to fucking make out with you.
Chick: Yeah?
Dude: Yeah, maybe I will later.
Chick: Maybe.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Andrew
Husband, after girl he knew left table: That was Joe’s* little sister’s friend.
Wife: The one he fucked in the ass?
Husband: No, that was somebody else. This one only blew him.
Wife: Oh. She seems nice.
Diner
Long Island, New York
Boy #1: What’s a vagina?
Boy #2: Uh, a girl’s penis.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: didn’t know she had a penis
Girl: Are you getting married?
Preggers: Don’t know — maybe… If we get along okay.
Bar
New York
