Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.
Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York
Guy #1: Do you think that street sign in the window is white trashy?
Guy #2: Dude, you are wearing a cowboy hat, a Rangers jersey and drinking from a German Stein, I don't think you need to worry about the sign.
Party
Long Island, New York
Dude: Just because you masturbate to llama/turtle porn…
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Little boy: This is boring!
Mom: You know what? Life is boring if you make it that way.
Katonah Train Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: lisa
Student: Yeah… I don’t really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: “Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!” And I was like: “Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!”
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it’s so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn’t a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.
Galleria
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: annoying blonde girl
College professor: I wish there was a gas station on the corner that had a cigarette bar, and an espresso bar, and a drive-up liquor store. I would go there all the time, especially if I could just drive up and get my liquor.
Rochester Institute of Technology
Henrietta, New York
Overheard by: Concerned Student
Jock #1: Yo, dude, so you know how to get there?
Jock #2: Naw, man.
Jock #1: You don’t know how to get there?
Jock #2: Where?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
