Camp counselor: Do you know if Bill has a Jack, offhand?

Camp Cory
Penn Yann, New York

Overheard by: i refuse to speculate

Counselor: What do you need Legos for?
Nine-year-old boy: To make weaponry!

Center for Autism and Emotional Support
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Decked-out tarot card reader, eyes closed, acting all mystical: I'm getting the feeling of a friend, a female presence that seems to be around you quite often. I get this feeling, this strong feeling, that she tries to help you in certain ways but her help isn't the good kind. For some reason, a phrase keeps popping in my head. This one phrase.
Drunk seated hipster girl: What is it?
Tarot card reader: The words (dramatic pause) “party too hard.”

Alcove Gallery
Atlanta, Georgia

Planned parenthood speaker: Who wants some condoms?
Class, in unison: Your mom.

High school assembly
Englewood, Colorado