Guy: I’ve heard rumors…
Girl: About me?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Me and Tina both got knocked up by you.
Guy: What?
Girl: And it’s not a rumor — it’s the truth.
Guy: How drunk was I?
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: overheardinmillersville
Guy: I’ve heard rumors…
Girl: About me?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Me and Tina both got knocked up by you.
Guy: What?
Girl: And it’s not a rumor — it’s the truth.
Guy: How drunk was I?
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: overheardinmillersville
Dude #1: Let’s go somewhere else.
Dude #2: Why?
Dude #1: I’ve seen the midget. I’ve drunk his juice.
Dude #2: Yeah…
Casey’s, South Side
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
College girl #1: Ew, why does it all run out?
College girl #2: Well, it is a liquid.
College girl #3: And your vag isn’t exactly full of Bounty paper towels!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Girl, looking at books: I love the library! It's like natural Adderall.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: too old for this
Girl walking through campus: And that's why you can't put a cat in the microwave.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Blonde: Ohhh my god! How adorable is he! [Her two friends agree, cooing.]Baby daddy holding infant: Thank you, girls.
Blonde: Can I hold him?
Baby daddy: Yeah, sure… Here you go.
Blonde: Awww, I love him! What’s his name?
Baby daddy: Uhhh… Shit, I know this… Shavon? Shavawn?
Blonde: You don’t even know your son’s name?!
Baby daddy: Shoot, I did earlier. Shavon! Yeah… That’s it. Damn, and I helped name this one, too.
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hot child in the city
Girl with fake sword to group of fifty kids with fake swords (prepping them before their war in the park): Today is not about living, today is about dying. You will die at least 100 times today. And you will love it!
Clark Park
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: afraid of kids
Woman in line at the bank: I am thinking about leaving him. All he does is lie to me!
Friend: Oh? Lie about what?
Woman: Well, yesterday he bought me some of that Nutella spread? He said it was chocolate, but I know for a fact that it's hazelnut!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
History teacher, reading from worksheet: ‘The Constitution places restrictions on the powers of the states. Name one.’
Student: Maryland?
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Irritated English professor: I think I'm just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
