Fourth grade student: All the guys in France have big schlongs.


Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor Erickson* is nice, but a statue of Professor Erickson fighting a bear… Now that would be amazing!

Girl #1: Whatever happened to that bird?
Guy: Which one? The original?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Guy: It’s in Professor Long’s* lab. I put it in a bag and squeezed the air out, so it shouldn’t be rotting too much.
Girl #2: It’s going to smell so bad when you open it.
Guy: No, it won’t…
Girl #2: Uh, yeah it will. You’d better open it up, drop it, and run away for a few hours.
Guy: Oh, come on, for Christ’s sake! After I removed the scent glands from a skunk with my bare hands and sawed its head off, what could be worse?!

Overheard by: kinda creeped out

Loud girl: Why would she have sex with a head injury?

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University

Worried junior: Oh my god, Betty, we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.

Overheard by: inthecoolsection

White boy: I’m just a freshman. I don’t know how to get bitches yet.

Overheard by:

Professor: It’s like she said — what’s your name again?
Girl: Alandra.
Professor: Alandra. Okay, I’m going to try and remember that.
Girl: It’s easy. Alandra. Just think of ‘a laundromat.’

Overheard by:

Guy #1: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot to tell you about it… If you were on Facebook, I would have invited you.
Guy #2, pissed: … I live two doors down from you!

Student #1: It’s so annoying. Every time I skip class I get an unexcused absence.
Student #2: That’s ridiculous.

Detroit Country Day School
Beverly Hills, Michigan

Overheard by: Jman077