Students

Crazy college student: Can you take the rubber ducky? I can’t bring him into the cafeteria. There’s no duck food in there.

Blanton Hall, Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Rubber Ducks don’t eat

Professor: Ben, what did you get for that one?
Student: First, I’m Matt. Second, I don’t know.
Professor: Well, it’s okay to be mad.
Student: No, I’m not mad, I’m Matt. M-A-T-T, Matt.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Kelly

Student #1 seeing friend drinking Monster energy drink: Oh, I’ve never had a Monster. Can I have a taste?
Student #2: You don’t want to taste his AIDS-infested Monster!
Student #1, after long pause: Never. Say that. Again. Ever.

Doughnut shop
Huntington Beach, California

Dude: So, what’s your major?
Chick: English.
Dude: Really? Wow, you’re really fuckable for an English major.
Chick: Uh, thanks…

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/05/huge-update.html

Overheard by: lola

Oxford boy #1: I’m going to stab you in the heart.
Oxford boy #2: Last night you stayed at my house and now you want to stab me in the heart?!

London-bound train
United Kingdom

Overheard by: snickering american sisters

Fourth grade student: All the guys in France have big schlongs.

Virginia

Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor Erickson* is nice, but a statue of Professor Erickson fighting a bear… Now that would be amazing!

http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/2007/04/plus-it-would-probably-embiggen.html

Girl #1: Whatever happened to that bird?
Guy: Which one? The original?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Guy: It’s in Professor Long’s* lab. I put it in a bag and squeezed the air out, so it shouldn’t be rotting too much.
Girl #2: It’s going to smell so bad when you open it.
Guy: No, it won’t…
Girl #2: Uh, yeah it will. You’d better open it up, drop it, and run away for a few hours.
Guy: Oh, come on, for Christ’s sake! After I removed the scent glands from a skunk with my bare hands and sawed its head off, what could be worse?!

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/01/breaks-broke.html

Overheard by: kinda creeped out

Loud girl: Why would she have sex with a head injury?

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/07/16/clearly-to-induce-orgasmic-seizures/

Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.

San Francisco State University
California