Chick: Wow, Tyler, you are really drunk.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I’ve been drinking since church.
Sikeston, Missouri
Chick: Wow, Tyler, you are really drunk.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I’ve been drinking since church.
Sikeston, Missouri
Drunk chick on cell: Wait! You didn’t like Shaun of the Dead? What’s wrong with you? Never mind, you can’t stick it in me.
Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shotboy
Drunk chick: I wouldn’t have known I hooked up with anyone if I hadn’t found his swipe card in my bra on the floor… Should I send him an e-mail?
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Preppy guy on cell: So, you’re pissed. I guess ’cause I lied. Or, yeah, I understand — ’cause I had sex with someone else last night. What was I supposed to do, wake up and say, ‘Oh, hey, I have a girlfriend’ to her? … Look, babe, I love you, but I’m 19 and I’m human.
Drunk guy from dorm window: And an asshole!
Boston College
Newton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Drew
Drunk mother to drunk daughter: Your sister is appearing on stage nude and you’re living with a lesbian! I raised you girls too liberal!
Chez Charlie’s Cocktails
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: MustangSally
Wasted guy #1: Let me see your phone.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: I need to call my cell.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: To see if it’s in my pocket.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Tswerve
Drunk guy #1 to guy he just met: I just get sick of people when they come over. My dad, my brother — after an hour, I’m sick of them.
Drunk guy #2: Oh, yeah?
Drunk guy #1: Yeah. And another thing I hate? Let’s say you come over tonight and spend the night — you can’t sleep on the couch.
Drunk guy #2: Why not? Where would I sleep?
Drunk guy #1: Because there are no sheets on it! I don’t want your body fluids on my couch. But you could sleep in the bed.
Panini’s
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Is that an offer?
Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
Bar fly to another entering bathroom: … And don’t go sticking your dick in my kebab again!
Enmore
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Algy_non
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don’t think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens… But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: E
