Dude to chick: But seriously, aren’t you afraid that when you give birth you’re going to shit yourself?

Dude: She totally sandbags! You know she sandbags?!
Chick: Like there’s a hurricane.

Overheard by: pineapple

Girl: I’m using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I’m using… a pumpkin!

Wheaton, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Party-goer: She is the only person I know who has a favorite appliance!

Moroccan restaurant
Seattle, Washington

Girl, about sister’s boyfriends: That was Bob* — he wanted to marry her.
Guy: Bob was kinda creepy.
Girl: Bob was not creepy! He had a job.
Guy: If that’s your only qualification for ‘not creepy’–
Girl: –He just faked his own death. But he got it out of his system — he won’t do it again.


Overheard by: much less bored now

Rollerblading guy #1: … And that’s when I’ll finally know that I’m successful… When I’m sitting on my throne of skulls.
Rollerblading guy #2: Uhhh… Sure, man.

Church and Shuter Streets

Chick: After he slept with me, I told him that his dick had been where cameras, carrots, and necklaces have gone before.
Friend: Why were you sticking necklaces in your vagina? … Note how I’m okay with the fact that you stuck carrots and cameras up there…

Sad girl: My mom totally jacked my vibrator.
Friend: That sucks! I can lend you mine, if you want.

Queen’s University

Sweaty black girl #1, checking self out in mirror: Finally, my upper arms don’t look so arm-y!
Sweaty black girl #2, lifting weights: Yeah, but your coochie still smells all marine.


Overheard by: jimmycity

Man, giggling: Hey, guys…
Friend: For the last time, Jeff, if it’s about the Hamburglar, we don’t want to hear it.

Galaxy Cinema
Nanaimo, British Columbia