Overheard in the Valley

Chick: After he slept with me, I told him that his dick had been where cameras, carrots, and necklaces have gone before.
Friend: Why were you sticking necklaces in your vagina? … Note how I’m okay with the fact that you stuck carrots and cameras up there…


Girl: Hey, you’re that chick I stalk on MySpace!


Girl on cell: Wait, how exactly did you manage to pull your ass muscle?


Overheard by:

Asian hipster: People stare at him, and he resents them for staring at him. But I’m like, ‘Maybe you should bathe!’
Jewish hipster: You should give him an elephant tranquilizer or something.


Overheard by: Glowien

Young guy: I know it’s stereotypical for a guy to want a girl who’s a freak in bed, but, really, it’s just so nice.


Little boy: Mommy, where do babies come from? Your mouth?


Overheard by: Nikki

Employee to customer: Excuse me, my boss wants to know if you’re a transvestite.


Man: I’m working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year… I don’t mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.


Overheard by:

Cute little girl staring at ceiling: Mommy, what is that butterfly doing there?
Bitchy mom: It’s dead.


Overheard by: Glowien

Woman: Sleeping with him just never feels consensual. It’s like being raped by your brother.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.