Black teen girl to friend: He was like “you're so high you don't even know what to do!” and I was like “nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!”

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Hancock

Thuggish teen to friends: Yeah, I’m going antiquing this weekend. For at least an hour.

Orange Line Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

Girl, walking across campus with friends: I think two beers and a shot is the perfect amount for that class!

University of Arizona

College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?

Melbourne University

Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Leevee

Guy jogging around track with friends: Well, if it's still alive we can't eat it, can we?

Robbinsville High School
New Jersey

Girl #1: Hey, you wanna grab dinner in a bit?
Girl #2: Sure, want to go to Risley?
Girl #1: Okay, I'm just going to warn you now, though I'm like a reaally slow eater…I only use my front teeth.

Nova Scotia

Guy #1: I woke up in her bed without any pants.
Guy #2: What happened?
Guy #1: I think we had sex.
Guy #2: You don’t know?
Guy #1: I cant exactly remember. Luckily neither can she. She’d kill me if she knew.

Sydney, Australia

Friend #1: We should all say something about ourselves. One thing good and one thing bad.
Friend #2: What about you?
Friend #1: Well, I have a good sense of humor. And I guess something bad would be that the other day, I slept with some person because I didn't have a place to stay, but in the morning, I'd forgotten his name…so when he went out his room I had to search through it to find some kind of identity card of his so I could pretend I knew it all along. His name was Richard.

London Bridge

Middle-aged woman to another: I said, “Let’s go to church,” and she said, “No, I’m going to stay in bed with Jesus today.”

Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck