Cashier (handing over receipt): Would you like this?
Customer: No, they make babies in my purse…
David’s Supermarket
Whitney, Texas
Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.
Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn’t want to leave!
Denny’s
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn’t want to be at dennys
Guy #1: So he lit the shot on fire and when he went to take it, part of it got on his face and instead of swallowing, he spat it everywhere and it all caught on fire.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet he got laid that night, though.
Girl: Where, in the burn unit?
Houston, Texas
Guy: So it’s her mom, her mom’s boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn’t gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
Tall guy: My girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here’s a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: “Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children.” I would do it if I didn’t have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
Bimbette: What’s wrong with gay people? Gay people are funny.
Religion Class
El Paso, Texas
Guy on cell: Just because you own one doesn’t make you Mormon!
Barnes & Noble
Southlake, Texas
Overheard by: Autumn
