Preppy girl: Can we have our cell phones on for the field trip?
Teacher: No.
Preppy girl: But what if we get separated from the group? How will we find our way back?
Female peer: Ask a friendly hobo.

Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee

Professor: I guess one lesson we can take from this book is to never slap a Chinese warlord.

20th Century World Novel class, Mississippi State University

Overheard by: blondie

Girl: Have you read Derrida?
Guy: Who?
Girl: Derrida! If you’re going to go to France and get laid, you’ve got to know who Derrida is.

Berkeley BART

Overheard by: Rhiannon Stone

Chick on cell: You don’t need handcuffs for that. Just use duct tape. Duct tape works for everything. Even butt cheeks!

Hawthorne, California

Overheard by: smooph

Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it’s my brother?

Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: rideabike

16-year-old male in office waiting room, to friend: You can't just solve all your problems by causing a nuclear holocaust, man!

Whatcom Community College
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: littlegirlmonkey

Peer-taught health class leader: Do not open condoms with a knife.

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.

Omaha, Nebraska.

Woman screaming into phone: You need to chill the fuck out!

San Francisco, California

Exasperated-sounding woman to small child: If you're not gonna cry properly, then don't cry at all.

Overheard by: Raptor