Advice

Psych professor: Yeah… Snickers bars… top of the list. Best things you can put in your mouth without asking permission.

Harvard Psychology Lecture
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: I prefer Kit-Kats

Party host to guest: Watch out for the skunk in the bathroom.
Guest: What?
Party host: Seriously.

Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Projection1234

Skinny girl to prettier friend: You can't toss him a mercy fuck every time his father dies.

Arby's
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Gwen West

Loud girl on cell: You better start showing me some respect before you start licking my friends’ clits!

Perkin’s
St Cloud, Minnesota

Overheard by: Jesi

Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn’t like the Vatican, you’re gonna hate the Louvre!

6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France

Overheard by: Pope Andrew I

Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don’t mix your reds and your whites!

Boulder, Colorado

Overenthusiastic principal: So, where’d ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh… 6.
Principal, grinning: Don’t worry, Shane* -I think you’re man enough to take a 12-inch.

Livingston, Montana

Student: Yeah… I don’t really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I’ve got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like “I don’t see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies.”

Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This

Queer #1: You said: “Oooh, girl, you can’t build a pyramid on top of a pyramid.”
Queer #2: Did I say: “Oooh, girl”?! I did not say “Oooh, girl”!

Memphis, Tennessee

Overheard by: The Faghag