Loud girl on cell: You better start showing me some respect before you start licking my friends’ clits!
Perkin’s
St Cloud, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jesi
Fat American female tourist to new best friend: If ya didn’t like the Vatican, you’re gonna hate the Louvre!
6th Floor, Hilton Arc de Triumph
Paris
France
Overheard by: Pope Andrew I
Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don’t mix your reds and your whites!
Boulder, Colorado
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where’d ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh… 6.
Principal, grinning: Don’t worry, Shane* -I think you’re man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
Student: Yeah… I don’t really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I’ve got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like “I don’t see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Queer #1: You said: “Oooh, girl, you can’t build a pyramid on top of a pyramid.”
Queer #2: Did I say: “Oooh, girl”?! I did not say “Oooh, girl”!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there’s people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew’s College
Aurora
Canadia
