California

Boyfriend: You want to hang out after your last class?
Girlfriend: I can’t. I have to get a Tetris shot.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Emily

Teen girl: Tina*, this corn husk totally feels like your vagina hair!

World’s Largest Corn Maze
Dixon, California

Overheard by: Leslie

Dominatrix: I don’t do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.

Street fair
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Ladle

Nine-year-old on Journey to Atlantis ride: Now we’re going to see the Sea Lord!
19-year-old next to him: Really? That sounds scary…
Nine-year-old: Yeah, he’s angry.
19-year-old: He’s angry? Why?
Nine-year-old: Because he doesn’t like flash photography.

Sea World
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Delilah Bloom

Dude: My testicles are like cue balls…

The Arclight
Los Angeles, California

Bimbette #1: So, like, he was talking about how, like — I don’t remember what it’s called, but like, the girl knows her parents do stuff that, like, she can’t do, like sex, so she, like, hates her mom, because she wants her dad like that, and like, she wants to kill her mom, but she knows that if she does, then, like, her dad will be mad at her, so she doesn’t do it, so she tries to be like her mom, because, like, her dad likes her mom.
Bimbette #2: I don’t get it.

Ladies’ room, UC Merced
Merced, California

Dude: I went to pet her and she opened up her mouth and my hand went straight in!

Aptos
Central Coast, California

Distraught mom on cell: I’ll sum up my vacation in one sentence: Ian punched Goofy in the nuts!

Bus to the Magic Kingdom
California

Overheard by: disneymom

Bimbette #1: Remember when you thought Mexico was just a state that you couldn’t go to?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. I didn’t know it was actually a different continent.

Oceanside, California

Student #1 seeing friend drinking Monster energy drink: Oh, I’ve never had a Monster. Can I have a taste?
Student #2: You don’t want to taste his AIDS-infested Monster!
Student #1, after long pause: Never. Say that. Again. Ever.

Doughnut shop
Huntington Beach, California