Waitress indicating empty seat: Would she like some dessert when she gets back?
Recently abandoned old man: No. She wasn’t feeling good so she went to the Hallmark Store.

Atlas Diner, Strawbridge
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There’s no meat in them.

Super Target

Overheard by: Brian

Little girl when dad hands her balloon: I’ve been waiting all my life for this…

Newport News, Virginia

Overheard by: Audrey

Girl, about sister’s boyfriends: That was Bob* — he wanted to marry her.
Guy: Bob was kinda creepy.
Girl: Bob was not creepy! He had a job.
Guy: If that’s your only qualification for ‘not creepy’–
Girl: –He just faked his own death. But he got it out of his system — he won’t do it again.


Overheard by: much less bored now

Sweaty black girl #1, checking self out in mirror: Finally, my upper arms don’t look so arm-y!
Sweaty black girl #2, lifting weights: Yeah, but your coochie still smells all marine.


Overheard by: jimmycity

Perky grad student: I got kicked out of vegetarianism for eating brains. I ate brains, I ate testicles, I ate stomachs… Stomachs are really gross.

Blacksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Amy

These People Are Everywhere

Thugette: I ain’t talking to you no more!
Thug: Well, let me ask you a question — about you.
Thugette: Alright.
Thug: What you heard about me?!

Downtown Mall
Charlottesville, Virginia

Old woman shopping with friend, picking up jeans: Well, these looked good on George Strait.

Warrenton, Virginia

Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!

Richmond, Virginia

Bimbette #1: You know what must suck?
Bimbette #2: What?
Bimbette #1: It must suck to be ugly. Because then, on top of everything else that’s going wrong in your life, you’re, like, ugly.
Bimbette #2: Yeah…

Buddhism class

Overheard by: Mindygotback