Kid: Hey, where does the line start?
Mom: All the way over there.
Kid: Dear God. My glasses have fooled me yet again!
Kohl’s
Howell, New Jersey
Kid: Hey, where does the line start?
Mom: All the way over there.
Kid: Dear God. My glasses have fooled me yet again!
Kohl’s
Howell, New Jersey
Father to baby: Mommy and I are gonna have lots of fun tonight. Yes we are! And we’re gonna make sure we don’t have another baby like we did last time. [Baby starts to laugh and coo.]
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: Why do I work here?
Hipster: I mean, come on, get with it. This is the ’90s, man.
Friend: … I don’t think it is.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Mom, looking at pot belly hog: Look, this pig is so fat and lazy that it just lays there all day.
Chubby tween son: Yeah, just like me.
Mom, laughing nervously and glancing around: Come on, honey, don’t say that. You’re nothing like it.
Chubby tween son: Yes, I am, Mom. I’m serious. Don’t you see? It’s like looking in the mirror.
Donaldson Park Petting Zoo
Highland Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: beginning to see the resemblance
Boy #1: I’d never want to be a gynecologist. You’d get so sick of that you’d never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don’t have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.
New Jersey
Guy #1, to girl: Yo, if Mike and Dave lived together, how great would your orgasm be? [Girl is silent.]Guy #2: Yeah, your leg would be drenched all the time.
Girl: I’m a girl! You can’t say that to me!
Guy #1: Not with jizz! With lady juice!
Girl: Seriously! Stop!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Student: Are breasts on the exam?
Professor: No, no, they’re not. Not because I don’t like breasts… I do… They’re just not on the exam.
Biology 102, Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Girl #1: The school paper couldn’t use that picture.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: They said there were too many people in it.
Girl #2: We were in China!
Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Professor: What is the Magic Marker-ness of the Magic Marker?
Monmouth University
New Jersey
Crazy college student: Can you take the rubber ducky? I can’t bring him into the cafeteria. There’s no duck food in there.
Blanton Hall, Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rubber Ducks don’t eat
